The cheerful Imperfect truck arrived bang on time with my box
Complete and in good condition.
And here's what they brought
Including a couple of items for Thanksgiving
Meanwhile I had made soup.
Since several residents of Florida read this blog, I want to make sure you've seen this.
And while we're in thoughtful mode, I found a quotation I like very much. I believe that when major life events happen to us, they actually change who we are as people. Maybe they bring out what was there anyway, or maybe we learn new ways of being, for better or worse.
I know I was totally transformed from the complete non-combatant nice person wanting to be accepted that I was before having a baby with great needs. When I found how hostile the world, including medical personnel, and my own family, was to this little boy doing his best against the odds, I became the ultimate terrifying person.
People from school principals to doctors to highups in the state education world learned not to go up against me in the search for the right education. Long story, eventual success.
It served Handsome Partner well, too, when I had to fight to save his life on more than one occasion, even getting apologies from hospital admin and doctors for blunders in the coronary care unit. Also many calls from patients' families asking how I'd managed to get him the right care, so they could do it.
This is not to say I'm some great brave person, just that things happen and they change you. Many things have come up in my life, which aren't blog material, but here's a good thing to remember. When people pressure you to smile and say oh, fine now, it was a good thing really, and they will, here's something to consider
This is such a serious post today, good thing it's knitting group this afternoon! Cheerful convo and beautiful projects.
And yesterday Gary dropped in to say the plant pot is still exuding oil, he's giving up on it and when we have a mild day, we'll repot the monstera!
He's having various neck and back issues, getting pt andand other help, and I talked about how my walking helps with a lot of that, which it does.
When he heard I walk 20-30 minutes most days, he was amazed, didn't think he could do that! He apparently had thought I went round the block and home! Five minutes on a good day. But I assured him he could do it. I hope he does. I swear by it. I think the effect on your circulation helps everything. Dr Boud's totally unsupported medical advice.
Happy day everyone, bit by bit, stitch by stitch, step by step if that's your thing, enjoy what's there.
It's true. In this world, you have to get tough or die. It's a hard lesson.
ReplyDeleteIt's not taught much growing up, I suspect because our families and teachers like compliance, so it's in their interest to encourage it.
DeleteYou sounds formidable -- out of necessity. 👍
ReplyDeleteYes, necessity was the driver.
DeleteYes, life events do change us, and hopefully for the better. Gaining strength sometimes comes with a bout of pain, psychologically or physically! Just talk to me after my exercise classes. Or learning how we have been doing things in a wrong way. I was guided by wiser people to change things that could lead me to a better person. And being my Leo self, it was hard to move there!
ReplyDeleteInteresting musing on how we can get stuck in a pattern that might not be serving us well.
DeleteI totally agree with how some trauma or horrid time of your life changes you. I am not the same person I was either before what I went through. I'm stronger and more independent but also harder and at times colder.
ReplyDeleteThis is true. I found after the trauma of my parents last illnesses and death before I was 21 that I was intolerant of people my age grumbling about what seemed like trivia to me. At the same time I was far more fearless than my age group, too.
DeleteYou found strength you probably didn't even know you had for your son. I take it he's now your handsome son who comes over to help out when needed or just to visit his handsome mom.
ReplyDeleteThat's the one. He managed so far beyond early expectations, into a very nearly typical adulthood, that I wonder sadly about the kids I knew whose parents took the "expert" opinions seriously, didn't fight for better. I know a couple of them now in sheltered workshops and supervised living. I wonder if that's really their best life.
DeleteDamn. You are SO right about how trauma (for that's what is described in that quote) is NOT always a positive and can't always be turned into one. It does change us and no, not always for the better. Nor does it always make us stronger. Nor does god never give us more than we can handle. Nor does the fact that someone else went through something even more traumatic make what happened to us less horrible. I hate those cliches. We all carry the scars and burdens of strange and awful things that have happened to us and we all do that differently and if we can remember that, it will make us more empathetic.
ReplyDeleteI did not know about the petition in Florida. I'll get on that.
I love your courage, your caring, your strong soul.
Yes to all the above! And thank you for signing the drive to get the abortion question on the ballot.
DeleteI consider you a principled person. That's what I pick up. Being able to stand up to power is not easy but often necessary. I have become a nicer, more patient person. Childhood trauma made me closed and difficult.
ReplyDeleteIt does change you. And you have been dealing with health issues for ages, all part of who you are
DeleteI’m with you about walking. It has helped me with depression and physical pain. I hate to miss out on time outdoors walking.
ReplyDeleteWalking is a kind of medicine.
DeleteLife is often like folding a map for the first time, that was open when you picked it up.
ReplyDeleteNow there's an interesting image, thank you.
DeleteI was exactly like you. Wouldn’t say boo to a ghost. But once I had children the inner mamma bear came out and things that were ok for me to deal with. Definitely weren’t ok for my family.
ReplyDeleteI swim not as often as I used too. But I still do. And it gets me out of the house, gets my body moving and gets me out of the hole where the black dog can find me.
Even if he starts with five minutes a day. Just getting out and moving will do wonder for his mental health making it easier to deal with his pain
He's in perpetual motion, but it's not steady, thoughtful movement, which I think would be good.
DeleteHow quickly I learned to be proactive after I divorced and was the sole support and parent to two girls. It has served me well for the last fifty years of my life.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly right. You develop a fierce side for one reason and it turns out to be useful in other places too.
DeleteA thought provoking post, indeed. I should take Dr Boud's advice and walk more.
ReplyDeleteGood for your aching back.
DeleteGood post, Liz. I feel as you say above - that it is very okay (even important) to acknowledge that some things are simply hard, and awful, and have changed me. My present circumstances come to mind. What I have learned, though, is that not everyone is worthy of hearing that. Some will not honor or respect it, or some think it's their duty to remind me to "be thankful". This is often the person who hasn't been around to actually know what's gone on. Goodness, I am so very thankful, but that doesn't erase the hard things. I have learned through trial and error who it is in my best interest not to share with some of these life-changing things I've recently experienced. Sometimes it's just easier on my mental and emotional health to minimize my thing before they do.
ReplyDeleteWise words, Becki. Yes, you need to choose who you discuss with, because you don't owe them an explanation, particularly one they don't want to accept. But you know you're a new person now.
DeleteI am a carer for my son. Traditionally women have been seen as the weaker sex, partly because we are the people who usually care for everyone else. But caring takes a lot of effort and not just physical effort. Thinking about the needs of someone else all the time, making decisions based on those needs and making sure that they are met takes a lot of time, determination and persistence. Putting aside your own needs/ambitions/wishes and keeping your sanity takes a lot of mental resilience. Weaker sex? I suspect women have always laughed at that description!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. Yes, caregiving entails so much unseen brave work. It's not for weak folk. Your words are an education to people who've never been there.
DeleteYes, you're spot on. People should not be made to feel inadequate or unable to cope just because they can't put a positive spin on everything that happens in their lives -- they can't make lemonade out of lemons, etc. I suspect your experiences have made you a capable fighter and if I'm ever in trouble I may call you!
ReplyDeleteThat is super-weird about the plant pot, as I said before.
I'll be glad to step up for you, Steve! I've done it before when people asked, because they couldn't express what they wanted to. I doubt if self expression is a problem for you, though.
DeleteThank you for these words, Boud. I work really hard on having a positive attitude for myself (it does not come easily), and I know I let that leak over into "unhelpful advice" for friends. I will take this to heart.
ReplyDeleteChris from Boise
I think encouraging words are fine. It's just insisting that other people smile and pretend that isn't so fine.
DeleteI read you every day but some days I need to think on it all for a while and there might not be a comment that comes to mind immediately. Coming back and reading the comments of others later turns out to be very instructive, enlightening, a most excellent window on the worlds of others. You seem to have a way of drawing that out.
ReplyDeleteI think the comments are the most valuable part of this blog. I treasure the learning I get from them, and the trust our blogistas have that their words will be respected.
DeleteIt is a serious post -- but a wonderful and thoughtful one. I thank you for sharing this part of your life so generously and thoughtfully with us. And yes, certain things change how we respond to things. Often, for the better.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to do it, because I think it's helpful to other people.
DeleteI'm generally pretty laid back over most things but don't let anybody mess with my family (or friends) and the Mama Bear comes out in full force.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you ought to go and collect Gary and take him walking with you, at least until he gets into the habit for himself.
I like walking alone, spontaneously. Inviting Gary would mean two-hour wait while he does a dozen other things first, while talking on the phone! We're not walking pals, really. I think he probably, like a lot of people, feels self conscious just walking, not doing a task. But once you get into it and the neighbors are used to seeing you, so they stop asking if you need a ride (!), it's fine.
Delete