Now that people are starting to think about the end of Covid, about which I'm doubtful, since there's a lot of magical thinking going on, and denial, I'm thinking about the changes it's wrought on us
I believe you don't just emerge from long periods of stress and fear and just resume life as before. We have been changed as people, feeling and seeing life differently.
Long friendships have foundered on the discoveries we've made, new ones have been struck up. Most of us have had bereavement to deal with. In the case of someone of my age, this is a normal expectation, but it's been dramatically increased. Five friends I thought I'd see again are gone in the last few months. I still keep expecting to bump into them soon, treacherous memory, forgetting they're gone.
And I've quietly let a couple of wildly self centered friends go when I finally noticed the friendship was a one way street.
This has been a healthy move, I believe, not being endlessly available for their lamenting while they had no interest in what I was up to. Or being available and ignored for months until they suddenly start being in constant touch, and talking at, not to, me. Interestingly, I find I've now outlived one of the people who did this! So that decision was made for me, I guess. I'm still sad she's gone though. I cared about her. I care about the people I've let go. But I need to use my emotional stamina wisely now.
I tend to be very faithful to people even while I'm making all kinds of other changes in my life, but it's okay to examine whether an encounter leaves me drained and a person's name on an email or phone causes me dread.
There's a time to say I've paid my dues, I can let go of this now! And I have to admit that I have allowed a couple of now former friends to assume I would be endlessly available with no needs of my own.
The pandemic has put this in better perspective. I've always liked my own company, and lockdown has been one long permission to do so without explanation. I think I'm going to continue that. I still have plenty of real friends, which include internet ones, and good neighbors and new ones made over the last year.
Are you finding you've changed or that you see life differently since March 2020? Or has it confirmed what you knew? Some people are looking for different work rather than resume what they were doing before, if working from home has changed their assumptions about office life. Some are finding they're having re entry issues, their social skills a bit rusty. I'm observing a lot more end of tether behavior, too, especially on the roads.
Just holiday thinking going on here, while there's reading as always.
My tiny book group has just finished Emma, and I've been intrigued with this, on the subject of reading Austen. Despite the creepy cover art.
It's an account by a writer who has read Austen exclusively through a number of life crises, deaths, marriage, births, and how the reading has illuminated both the novels and herself. It's a great insight also into the impact of Austen on other writers. Some of the analysis is just stunningly good. I'll read more by her.
And here's one I'm embarking on now, recommended by blogista Chris, thank you, an account of an amazing American woman who was a secret agent and, though unknown to most of us, helped secure our future during WW2. She worked despite using a prosthesis to replace a leg destroyed in an accident, breaking all kinds of barriers in the process. This should be great reading, a counterpoint to Maisie Dobbs.
there'susually a good Donna Leon available. She's such a good prose stylist, as well as storyteller, always a treat, especially when I can access her both in print and audio so I can continue with the novel while I'm doing other things.
This one's about mysterious deaths of wealthy patients in a religious nursing home, a nun who leaves her vocation, and various other clerical happenings, some directly affecting the family of Commissioner Brunetti. And it's a great read.
Today the rain has finally abated and I think I can get out to walk, on sidewalk, everywhere else being mud.
I don't know why Blogger has suddenly centered all my text and refuses to let me justify left. Bear with me. I always remember Blogger's free, so I should hold off the complaints and be glad it's been available all these years.
So that's my holiday musing. Have a good holiday if you have one, and I think maybe the UK does, as well as the US. If you don't, then happy Monday!
