Monday, May 31, 2021

Covid changes and reading

Now that people are starting to think about the end of Covid, about which I'm doubtful, since there's a lot of magical thinking going on, and denial, I'm thinking about the changes it's wrought on us 

I believe you don't just emerge from long periods of stress and fear and just resume life as before. We have been changed as people, feeling and seeing life differently. 

Long friendships have foundered on the discoveries we've made, new ones have been struck up. Most of us have had bereavement to  deal with. In the case of someone of my age, this is a normal expectation, but it's been dramatically increased. Five friends I thought I'd see again are gone in the last few months. I still keep expecting to bump into them soon, treacherous memory, forgetting they're gone.

And I've quietly let a couple of wildly self centered friends go when I finally noticed the friendship was a one way street. 

This has been a healthy move, I believe, not being endlessly available for their lamenting while they had no interest in what I was up to. Or  being available and ignored for months until they suddenly start being in constant touch, and talking at, not to, me.  Interestingly, I find I've now outlived one of the people who did this! So that decision was made for me, I guess. I'm still sad she's gone though. I cared about her. I care about the people I've let go. But I need to use my emotional stamina wisely now.

I tend to be very faithful to people even while I'm making all kinds of other changes in my life, but it's okay to examine whether an encounter leaves me drained and a person's name on an email or phone causes me dread. 

There's a time to say I've paid my dues, I can let go of this now! And I have to admit that I have allowed a couple of now former friends to assume I would be endlessly available with no needs of my own.

The pandemic has put this in better perspective. I've always liked my own company, and lockdown has been one long permission to do so without explanation. I think I'm going to continue that. I still have plenty of real friends, which include internet ones, and good neighbors and new ones made over the last year. 

Are you finding you've changed or that you see life differently since March 2020? Or has it confirmed what you knew? Some people are looking for different work rather than resume what they were doing before, if working from home has changed their assumptions about office life.  Some are finding they're having re entry issues, their social skills a bit rusty. I'm observing a lot more end of tether behavior, too, especially on the roads.

Just holiday thinking going on here, while there's reading as always.
My tiny book group has just finished Emma, and I've been intrigued with this, on the subject of reading Austen. Despite the creepy cover art.

It's an account by a writer who has read Austen exclusively through a number of life crises, deaths, marriage, births, and how the reading has illuminated both the novels and herself. It's a great insight also into the impact of Austen on other writers. Some of the analysis is just stunningly good. I'll read more by her.

And here's one I'm embarking on now, recommended by blogista Chris, thank you, an account of an amazing American woman who was a secret agent and, though unknown to most of us, helped secure our future during WW2. She worked despite using a prosthesis to replace a leg destroyed in an accident, breaking all kinds of barriers in the process. This should be great reading, a counterpoint to Maisie Dobbs.


 



















  there'susually a good Donna Leon available. She's such a good prose stylist, as well as storyteller, always a treat, especially when I can access her both in print and audio so I can continue with the novel while I'm doing other things.

This one's about mysterious deaths of wealthy patients in a religious nursing home, a nun who leaves her vocation, and various other clerical happenings, some directly affecting the family of Commissioner Brunetti. And it's a great read.

Today the rain has finally abated and I think I can get out to walk, on sidewalk, everywhere else being mud. 

I don't know why Blogger has suddenly centered all my text and refuses to let me justify left. Bear with me. I always remember Blogger's free, so I should hold off the complaints and be glad it's been available all these years.

So that's my holiday musing. Have a good holiday if you have one, and I think maybe the UK does, as well as the US. If you don't, then happy Monday!

17 comments:

  1. Our holiday weekend was last weekend.

    I love Jane Austen and will check out Rachel Cohen.

    The pandemic here has cut us off from some people whom we may never be close with again. Such is life. My husband and I have relied on each other more this last year and it has been good for us in that way. I have a friend who is single and has been alone and it was tough for her. We helped how we could and stayed in touch.

    We are changed, each in her own way. We learned a lot along the way.

    I’ve been thinking about my grandparents who lived through the last pandemic as young adults. How did it affect them? How will it affect our children? So much remains to be seen.

    Take care!

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    1. Thank you for remembering your single friend. I've treasured the coupled friends who have kept in touch.

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  2. You're wise not to let emotional vampires suck the energy out of you!

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    1. That's a great description. It takes a bit of experience to recognize when you're dealing with one.

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  3. You are right about the changes in friends, I have experienced some of the same and I think a lot of folks are so desperate to resume "Normal" that they don't want to admit how much things are changed or that in fact COVID is far from over and may never be. I am reading the 2016 book by Gloria Steinem lots of good stories and great observations, will check out the spy book you discussed. Thanks for your recent comments. Happy Monday.

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    1. And thank you for the Steinem recommendation. Noted.

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  4. I feel much the same as you about life and friends at this time in my life. Have a good Memorial Day.

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  5. Some of what you wrote I could have written myself (or have heard myself telling a close confidant in the past - about relationships, to be a little bit specific). I definitely feel changes, personally, that COVID has wrought. Time will prove their sticking power, I suppose.

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    1. Yes. This time next year it will be good to revisit this!

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  6. I've let go a few 'friends' over my lifetime. one in particular. it took me decades to realize I was the one who always made contact. the last time I spoke to her I called to arrange a lunch date, we were both self-employed, she was on her other line and told me she'd call me back as soon as she finished the other call. It's been at least 15 years maybe 20. I'm still waiting.

    I'm currently reading The Invisible Life Of Addie LaRue about a young woman who makes a deal with the devil.

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    1. Thanks for the book idea. Noted.
      I'm glad I'm not the only one a bit slow to realize I'm doing all the heavy lifting in a friendship!

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  7. If anything I think that covid has made me even more content to be home. The idea of shopping for pleasure does not really occur to me now. It really hasn't for years, though. I'd already pared down my friend circle tremendously so that hasn't much changed. But covid has made me appreciate my husband, my family even more than ever.

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    1. Shopping has never been fun to me, except fleamarkets and thrifties, so I can see that.

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  8. I think covid has changed us all, but it remains to be seen how many of those changes will end up being permanent. My fear is that, once things are opened up totally, everyone will go into a huge spending frenzy. That would be good for the economy I suppose, but not so good for the people themselves. I've never been much of a shopper anyway so I have no desire to get back into the stores. I do miss the library, or at least the aspect of being able to go in and choose my own books. I look forward to getting together in real life with my two best friends for our years-long weekly coffee 'dates', but that's about all I plan to change. Being at home is fine by me and I've discovered that I really don't need things like new clothes because I haven't been wearing even a small fraction of the small amount I have in the closet. Proves I don't need to add to them when I haven't worn what I already have in all this time.

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    1. That observation about clothes is spot on. We've had a real life pressure test on our wardrobes. I even winnowed mine further.

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  9. I just made a note to look for A Woman of no Importance the next time I download books. Thank you.

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