Yesterday I was at a loss for what to cook, but frozen baby bellas worked again. Cooked in butter until almost browned, roast chicken from freezer, the last of that chicken I bought ages ago, bechamel sauce, farfalle pasta, all cooked then mixed in a buttered souffle dish, old Bay seasoning, warmed through at 385°f. Colby Longhorn grated over.
Served with garlic scapes, already big enough to pick.
I hadn't thought of these ingredients going together, until I ran out of ideas and just tried it. This made three meals. The mushrooms are what makes it good, though.
Isn't she great? Pitch perfect always. Check it out if you live near.
Report on the Film Fest: Clueless was up yesterday and I realized I had in fact seen it before. But the lines are so funny it's worth a second look. I had subtitles enabled, to make sure I caught them. Good start.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar is wonderful. I read it several times so as to catch the detail.
In current reading, the essays by Tim Kreider are oddly dated, though only about 12 years old. They read like the work of a man who can't really believe women are actual people.
The sort of man who says people meaning men, and kids, meaning boys. It's particularly poignant in the account of his trying to understand the situation of a longtime male friend who transitions to being a woman. He tries so hard, wanting to be there for the friend, but without the insight that would help.
Likewise the essay about being ghosted by another longtime friend, where he's baffled, can't grasp why, makes repeated attempts to reconnect without success. Which makes the reader wonder how he failed to read the room so completely.
I do wonder about people who profess total bewilderment when they're ghosted. They didn't see the signs, messages, attempts to detach? They see it as a full on friendship that suddenly screeches to a halt, the end.
Or perhaps they didn't realize that what they thought was a friendship was more situational. Once they'd fulfilled their purpose in the friend's life, gone. Or the friend's life changes to the point where an old friend doesn't fit any more, and is amazed to realize it.
It's true of activity friends, once the activity is done. Workplace friendships, too, often don't survive the departure of one of the group.
When I've been ghosted I've generally managed to detect, eventually, what happened. It's not kind, though. Better to detach gradually I'd say, try for the least hurt.
Arabic has a whole lot of words to describe degrees of friendship. English is a bit lacking. I wonder if friendships have a lifetime as partnerships do. And the lifetimes vary.
Please let's hear your take. I wonder a lot of things on this subject.
I have known people that have lifetime friends and that sounds really wonderful to me. When I was growing up we moved every two or three years so I never had a chance to form lifetime friendships. As an adult it seems that most of my friends are related to specific activities. Before I retired I had many work friends and while they are technically still friends I never see them unless we by chance run into one another. I've had sewing and quilting friends but those too were related to quilt shows or related activities. We have friends through our Silver Sneakers exercise classes but those are also limited to the activity. It seems most of my friends are like that - connected to something. I would love to have a couple of special lifetime friends but it just has not worked out that way for me. Probably my own fault because I am often somewhat shy with people. You do raise some interesting questions though.
ReplyDeleteI think what you observe may be common in a society as mobile as this one.
ReplyDelete"Floor sweepings" has always had a completely different meaning to me but a similar one. In the case I'm thinking of, it referred to what was literally left on the floor after home grown marijuana was cleaned and prepared for use.
ReplyDeleteThere have been a few of my dearest friends with whom my friendship has ended, each one for different reasons. It is painful and there is no doubt about it but at least in my case- necessary.
That's the same as the tea floor sweepings. It's what's left after the best leaves have been picked in the sheds for the most expensive tea. What's left is drinkable but inferior. Bits of twigs and dust, no large leaves. Not much scent.
DeleteI think most friendships are situational and there's nothing wrong with that. and there's also the difference between friends and being friendly. perhaps people mistake one for the other. I've ended a couple of 'friendships' when I finally realized I was always the one reaching out, never reached out to. and as you say, some people come into your life for a short time and when whatever purpose was served, pass back out again. and then there is the phoney friend who claims to want to get together but when you whip out a calendar to choose a date her insincerity becomes apparent. I have a friend, I still consider her a friend, that I've known my whole life but we have grown far apart now and if I met her today, we probably would not be friends, just don't have anything in common anymore. And then there was the group of friends that were my best buddies for years and then the next time we gathered they froze me out. That was a total unexpected shock and I'm still not sure what all was behind that. I'll admit my behavior isn't always stellar though never intentionally mean but none of them were perfect either. That one was very painful and took a long to get over. funny thing was years later one of the women contacted me through FB all wasn't that such a great time we had back then. this was the woman who after the initial shunning wrote me a letter with a list of petty grievances telling me to never call her again. when I told her that it wasn't so much fun for me what they had done and mentioned the letter she wrote me she responded that she couldn't believe I held a grudge and she didn't even remember writing that letter and then SHE blocked ME. But I wasn't holding a grudge, just not opening myself to her again.
ReplyDeleteAnd again most of the value in this blog is to be found in the comments, so thoughtful and caring, and I learn a thing or two from them.
DeleteI have two friends who have been with me for well over 30 years and another that I've known since I was 3. We were best friends all through school and then sort of went our separate ways until a few years ago when we reconnected as if we'd never been apart. All 3 are gold - but the common denominator is me, because they haven't bonded with each other. I met the other two friends when our kids were small and I've had coffee with them (virtually since covid) pretty much every week ever since. Tuesday afternoons and Thursday mornings are blocked off on our calendars and we do our level utmost not to allow anything to change it.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting discussion which I've been mulling over. "Situational friends" is a good descriptor for many of my friends. More than acquaintances, but the friendship drifts off when the situation/workplace/hobby evolves.
ReplyDeleteIt has taken me many years to learn how to become a good friend. To put forth the effort, to make room in my calendar (So Many Excuses!), to be the inviter instead of waiting to be invited, etc etc etc. I was - to put it politely - a self-absorbed young person. Since that enlightening awakening, my number of true friends has grown, and have shown their mettle in this past year when it has taken effort to stay connected.
I worked in a corporate job a decade ago, and became phone friends with a vendor who lived in Montreal - a far way from Boise Idaho! When I retired, I told her I looked forward to sitting on her patio with a glass of red wine. And - it happened! It took a 6,000 mile Road Trip With Dogs (and husband), but we ended up on her front porch drinking red wine. And fortunately her husband and mine found themselves kindred spirits too.
I have also had to let friendships go, and that is always sad. But as several above have said, we - both sides of the friendship - grow and change and may not fit any more.
One thing that my mother taught me: aim for friends of varied ages - be thankful for the wisdom of your older friends, and be thankful for the knowledge of your younger friends (ie phones! computers!).
That tree - at first glance I agreed with your sycamore thought, but am now wondering if it might be a slightly debilitated sugar maple? Smooth grey bark, wonderful lichen patches, and missing a couple of patches of bark.
And thank you for the update on Maggie Rudy, whose books I have been giving away like mad since you introduced us.
Chris from Boise