Today's little bouquet as a thank you.
I've had so many helpful messages and emails and comments and I thank you all.
Now I've already started to get anxious follow ups, "just checking"! So I thought I'd better bring you up to date to help with the anxiety.
It's very funny, take aaaaaalll the time, then after two days, what's up, are you okay, talk to me! But I love it and I get it.
What happened to me was a series of setbacks culminating in Joanne's death. That was the one thing too far.
I'd been dealing with what felt like a great betrayal, different context not discussed in here, followed by realizing I had put a lot of energy into supporting someone who now was off on a new path. Not a relative nor neighbor. I felt like I'd thrown away years of sustained energy where it wasn't wanted. User error.
Then the goodbye to a significant part of my life, the Knitting Ministry, that was a loss I can hardly describe. It's often kept me mentally on an even keel, having a sock to knit, with a worthwhile destination.
Then I've been dealing with a significant drop in energy, partly the heat and humidity, partly age. After 85, things are different, and I was still acting as if. I need to rest between every little activity, can't walk as far, though I still walk,
Then Joanne died, and here a note about her.
She wasn't only a blog friend, she was a fellow fiberartist, with whom I exchanged materials and ideas, and she collaborated on some of my activities.
There was a bond you don't get outside of the fiberarts world. For her I brought back to mind her mother and grandmother, particularly the latter, a great needlewoman. For me she was a helpful sister sharing expertise generously.
So this has been a cascade of losses, and I've been resetting this week.
I simply don't have the energy to do everything I've been doing, so, aside from sleeping, I've been sorting through my options. That and doing brief videos for my YouTube channel, the least demanding part of my online life.
So here's the plan, as of now, just so you know everything is fine, just a bit different.
I think I will not delete, just cut back, on a lot. I won't narrate every Textiles and Tea, nor attend every Tuesday Knitting group, nor every audio pod. And maybe not write a daily blogpost. I've been making a daily post since 2008, with very few missed days, but that doesn't mean I can't change now to suit my new situation.
Today, Misfits day, as a trial run, I omitted all the photo prep today, and now see how much energy went into checking and tracking and timing and photographing and explaining.
I love to do it but I have to live within my new means and do all these capers as and when.
I'm doing very well, in case you're wondering if I'm leading up to a diagnosis, I'm well -- particularly since I'm a lot nearer 90 than 80, though up to now it's been easy to forget that.
So that's where we are.
But I thought you'd like to see what Misfits wrought today anyway
Happy day everyone, be a butterfly!
I was getting a tad concerned but understand the need to withdraw. Great to hear that you have taken stock and have a sensible plan forward. And so sorry to hear about the person who has left you feeling betrayed. People change and circumstances change but the pain is real.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you back xx
Thank you for understanding. Part of the pain is annoyance with myself for investing beyond what was reasonable. But tomorrow is another day.
DeleteI had to laugh at our contradictory messages, and am glad you're taking them in the right spirit.
ReplyDeleteReevaluating how we spend our time and energy is so very important, and so often overlooked or put off. Great loss can force us to refocus. You have put a tremendous amount of work into sharing Textiles and Tea with us, and I have really enjoyed the wide range of artists showcased. But it doesn't have to be every week. Same with Misfits - it's fun to see, but sharing it is not a necessity of life. It's time to lighten your load and focus on what YOU want to do. But selfishly, I hope that includes the occasional blogpost. And posy, as long as the season lasts!
Big hugs - Chris from Boise
Things will still happen, just not as much. It can become a treadmill.
DeleteIt's good to know you are ok. Yes, you must cut your cloth to fit your suit. I must tell myself this more often.
ReplyDeleteI'm fine and planning to be finer!
DeleteGood on ya for taking care of yourself in the face of all you named...and thank you for giving us a heads up. I have been concerned but felt it better not to intrude as you indicated the need for a break. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteE, that's a good friend speaking, thank you.
DeleteI may be the last person to leave a message, but I am sorry for the loss of your friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kirk. There's no time limit on condolences.
DeleteYou must allocate your energy as you decide best in order to spend your days well. Put yourself first, my friend! We will read and enjoy whatever form your future posts involve!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I need to learn how to do this.
DeleteYou do amazingly well at 85+. I don’t even expect to get there, so good for you.
ReplyDeleteYou never know, AC. I never expected to get here either, and certainly not in good health and doing well.
DeleteGood to see your new post.
ReplyDeleteI'm only 71 yet already finding I need to slow a bit...... doubt I'll even make 85 - so well done for all you do.
(and those beans look so good!)
The green beans were great, not a discard in the bunch. I like them in three bean salad best. I think we all reach a point where we realize we can't do all the things, for some earlier than others.
DeleteI so, so sorry for this awful loss and for what you’re experiencing. I figured you just needed a little break. I’m sending you the hugest cyber hug all the way from Córdoba. I wish that could make a difference. You, too, are loved, admired, and appreciated.
ReplyDeleteAwwww, that's very nice. Also encouraging. Thank you.
DeleteMultiple losses all in a row can be difficult, whether human or otherwise, and your plan of cutting back and taking more "you" time is a good one, Boud. Like yourself, I/we used to blog daily but in recent years have cut back to perhaps 2-3 per week. As wonderful as blogging can be, it is also time consuming both to post and then to read what others have posted, and to be honest not always everything is of interest to everyone. Enjoy your time doing the bthings you enjoy and please update when you can..
ReplyDeleteThank you, you definitely get it! A lot of blogging and reading is force of habit, and it's good to review now and then.
DeleteYour little bouquet is lovely, they always are. It's good to slow down and do things differently when you need to. I gave up daily blogging a very long time ago after only a few years, I simply ran out of ideas and things to say.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'll ever run out of ideas, just out of energy to execute them! Thanks for the encouragement with my current decision, that's very nice.
DeleteAs long as I know why I won’t worry, unless you disappear. I understand. Take care of yourself, we all appreciate you.
ReplyDeleteHandsome Son has access to my blog, so if necessary, he can post. But I'm hoping that won't be for a long time yet!
DeleteI think it absolutely makes sense to recalibrate after such a series of events. We are here for you whenever you feel motivated to show up, ready to absorb whatever you want to express!
ReplyDeleteThank you! That's very understanding.
DeleteYou know, I actually dreamed about you last night. I dreamed you were back, fine and fit, well refreshed from your break. I dreamed that because it's what I wanted to hear.
ReplyDeleteYes. I think that as we age we need to learn to allocate our attention and energies to the things that serve us. That's all there is to it. Recognize, adjust, adapt. These are the words that come to my mind. And it's not easy. I think we all feel that if we just keep doing what we've always done, we will always be able to do...what we've always done. Sounds good in theory, doesn't it?
You are wise, dear woman. I'll be quiet now. Just know we are thinking of you. We cherish you.
Yes, it's a myth that keeping on enables us to keep on! Things change, stuff happens, we need to adapt to survive. And thank you for your friendship.
DeleteLife is like that it seems, just one more straw and then it's too much. I didn't realize that you and Joanne were good friends and collaborators, that makes the grief even stronger. And then the grief associated with a betrayal.
ReplyDeleteYou're no spring chicken and everything does become harder as we age, as I'm learning. You haven't lost your curiosity though which I think is the most important quality.
As for cutting back, you do what you need to do. Sending hugs.
Yes, I do continue to be curious and interested in learning new things. There's no lack of subjects to learn.
DeleteGlad you are fine and taking care of yourself. Do what you want, when you want and know, like Mr. Rogers always said, "I like you just the way you are." xo
ReplyDeleteYou're so supportive, Ellen, thank you.
DeleteI can completely understand your need to cut back somewhat in what you're doing. I have sometimes thought (particularly on Tuesdays and Misfits days) about the time you had to take to create such in-depth posts. Only another blogger can understand that aspect. When I first started blogging I felt I *had* to post every day and I've since realized that there are no blogging police. I've now settled into my 3x/week schedule which is working, for now. I'm toying with stopping adding so many links to each post because it's taking more and more time to come up with them. Who knows, maybe you will inspire me to cut back on those too. You need to do what is best for you at this stage of life and we will be glad to see what you choose to share. Big hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteRight now I'm doing less of everything, rather than cut out some interests! Except knitting is in the rear view mirror.
DeleteA quick comment...as there are so many well said ones already. Your creativity now is a choice where you want to put it, as the changing body abilities dictate what is possible. I've left most things with finger dexterity aside, which is a LOT of arts and crafts. But as long as other things work, I can channel energies there. THanks so much for all your intelligent opinions and advice which you've freely given to me and the blog-world.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'll run out of opinions any time soon.
DeleteYou have had so many losses and changes to deal with in a relatively short time, and I can understand why at some point it simply became too much. I was especially touched by what you wrote about Joanne and the bond you shared through your fiber art.
ReplyDeleteI also think there is a lot of wisdom in recognizing that something you have done for many years does not have to continue in exactly the same way forever. A daily blog post since 2008 is quite remarkable, but perhaps the blog should now fit your life and your energy, rather than your life having to fit the blog.
I hope that giving yourself permission to do less will leave you more energy for the things that still give you pleasure. And whenever there is a post, your readers will be happy to find you here.
I think what will work for me is to keep on with my interests, but cut down the intensity. I love everything I do!
DeleteI'm sorry things have been so hard for you lately. Why do they seem to come in spurts? Yes, please take care of you first -- mental health is as important as physical health. We'll happily read you whenever you post. Hey, maybe you'll start your own sock ministry, one pair at a time. You know how much your socks are loved. Be gentle, my friend. One day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI had to say goodbye to the Ministry because I can no longer knit. They were very understanding, and understood how bereft I am.
DeleteI'm encouraged by the support I'm getting about my changes, though.
This is the first time I have visited "Field and Fen". Like you I have been blogging for a long time and I have become cautious about enlarging my blogging circle as there are only twenty four hours in a day! But I I like your "voice" so I think I will be back. Condolences upon the loss of your friend Joanne.
ReplyDeleteThank you, YP, you're very welcome here.
DeleteI have to modulate all that I want to and need to do so I truly understand not setting unrealistic expectations of myself - and you have to allow others the same regard, I have found. I am lucky if I get to the blogs that I like to enjoy once or twice in a month.
ReplyDeleteI always like to see you in here, so your scarcity adds value!
DeleteWell You'd you got me to sign in. I'm sorry to hear about everything your going through and the loss of your friend.
ReplyDeleteWhat you do, your passions and hobbies are who you are. Just some suggestions. Take a break from things you currently cannot do and see if two weeks or a month allow you to pick it up again. Very few things are permanent.
Maybe reduce your whirlwind activities without eliminating them? I enjoy reading your blog the humor the voice the integrity. Brief blocations are another option. Occasionally a few lines to tell us you're alright. Whatever works.
Stay well.
Yours truly,
Thingy bobbit
Aren't you nice. Thanks so much for your words, much appreciated! I'll think about them.
DeleteGood for you, having a deep think about what is still possible, and beginning to move on from what isn't. These 'reset' times do suddenly appear, and certain things can no longer be just 'pushed through' but need evaluating first.
ReplyDeleteYes, you expressed it all, in just a few words. You get it.
DeletePerfectly understandable. Each sad event is a 'knock-back' which must be acknowledged and assimilated - that's life, and in your usual sensible way you are dealing with them. Whatever you post, and how often, we will be here to appreciate.
ReplyDeleteTy, Janice! Much appreciated.
DeleteI didn’t want to be one of those, are you doing ok, people so I did leave it.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you posted and set our minds at ease. It’s not easy when multiple things happen and it kinda gets you down. More than you even recognise at the time.
This is why I have slowed down on the blog. And of course that having to come to terms with my health issues, there are days and days that nothing worth writing about happens.
I’ll look forward to the posts you do write. No matter how far apart they are
Thank you! That restraint was nice. I love blogging, never run out of ideas, but I have to come to terms with running out of energy.
DeleteEvaluating and reseting yourself is a good, healthy process. As you well know! Creating new boundaries (and holding to them) is so helpful to feeling grounded and stable. Last week, we moved houses, and I like that moving creates opportunity for new routines. And, I've always used it as a break that helps me change other people's expectations of me. Not that I can actually change other people and their ideas! But I've found that I can say, "Oh, I'm not doing that now," and I think the moving helps people make sense of it (though, honestly, I'm sometimes just using that as an "excuse" to change how I live!). Anyway, we're in the same town but only 10 mins away, but we're in the downtown area rather than living on wooded acreage. No school change for the kids or anything. But new, friendly neighbors and sidewalks for walking our dogs. It's already a new life. Okay, sorry, enough about me! I'm only writing to say: good for you. I'm continually impressed by how you observe, assess, decide, and do -- in so many areas of life!
ReplyDeleteThat's a good change for you, with minimal disruption, schools, libraries, doctors, all that. I'm glad you like your new neighbors, too, always an unknown in moving. And yes, navigating people's expectations is always a thing.
DeleteToday, I made my first batch of spaghetti sauce. I am so pleased. I find that turning to the earth fills the empty despairing place in me that these inhumane days are leaving deep inside.
ReplyDeleteYes to all that. My little bouquets are doing a lot of heavy lifting these days.
DeleteResetting is a good way to describe the kind of adaptability and curiosity about 'other' that had possibly contributed the healthy longevity. If you think back through your life you might be a master of timely reset. Some folks are so much less capable of coping with changes they need to make as the world moves around them.
ReplyDeleteThank you for a very astute comment. I have throughout overhauled major parts of my life about every five years, to pursue new interests. Despite a lot of opposition from people saying but you're doing so well in that job, why change. Because I would die if I went on just because I was doing well, instead of trying a new path. Maybe that accounts for not being too worn out!
Delete