Still here, and thinking

Tomorrow is HS' birthday, but he suggested we postpone celebrating for a bit, and he will declare an official birthday this year instead. It all feels very symmetrical, his father preparing to leave us just as the son comes to another birthday.

I've been thinking about what hospice seems to have done for HP, which is to give him permission to stop struggling to compensate for his physical losses, just rest, let us do for him, and not feel pressed to try more. He has not had anything to eat or drink since Monday, but is still breathing steadily, but quieter now and very little head movement or acknowledgment of people around him. I was up with him in the middle of the night, just checking, gave him meds to help breathing and to help him feel relaxed.

More friends visited yesterday, and it seems to be to be so much better this way, to have people come in to celebrate him while he's still here with us and can sense their presence, rather than do all that after he can no longer take part. Last night's visitor was a young woman who's known us since she was a little girl, and we laughed, one on each side of him, as we remembered his saving her from spiders and other such adventures.

Another friend spent a couple of hours talking and chatting with us, but only a brief time close by HP since it tires him, but I'm pretty sure he knew she was there.

She is an old friend, one of our very first petcare clients, and we had a great time reminiscing about her various cats and their exploits over the years. All three of us, HS pinch hitting at times, have taken over her petcare while she traveled on business, and since HS was there taking part, it was really happy for all of us. And, since she had a medical training, she was a very good, skilled visitor -- she had grilled our home health aide on Friday, and was satisfied that she was as good as I said she was! she also commented on how rarely the family members were as in tune as HS and I, in agreement on what we were doing and why.

This is a surprisingly happy time for all of us, not what I expected,but the peacefulness of it all is working on everyone, and the steady stream of people visiting, one bringing me berries from the local farm (I'm Italian, we do food, she explains) is a great blessing, so much better to be at home where people drop in and out casually on their usual daily rounds. Several of them are surprised that this time doesn't have to be about suffering and pain, at least not for HP, and that HS and I can laugh and joke, knowing HP is okay,we're doing his care together for the weekend.

I like that, a good experience for us all.