Thursday, June 9, 2011

Thrills and spills again

Very dramatic morning, which I won't give all the details about, but suffice it to say that there was continuing calling between HP's wonderful doctor P., who sent a nurse over to assist, and the nurse, and HS who showed up loyally in no time at all to support me. This was really a time when we wondered if HP would in fact survive the morning. He is stable now, but I'm not yet convinced that he's where he was just a few days ago.

And it was one of those times where I had to remember what I would do if this happened or that happened, and how to proceed. Long ago, HP and I decided that heroic measures were absolutely OUT, and I have been very careful not to rush into hospital admissions, testing, etc., which, as his doctor says wisely may or may not tell us anything we can usefully do.

And he has a longstanding DNR document on the fridge, classic bulletin board for the use of EMTs and other technicians. DNR, for them as don't know, means Do Not Resuscitate, i.e. if there's a respiratory or cardiac collapse. It would not help, would cause suffering, and this was his own decision back when he could make it.

All this sounds very calm and collected, and in fact both HS and I have a great faculty for remaining calm throughout emergencies, waiting to fall apart until it's safe to do so! but the emotional cost is enormous of being the decision maker at times like this.

So we live to fight another day, it seems, at least we think so. And this afternoon, while HP slept, so did I. He was able to swallow once the crisis passed, which took several hours, so he had a nice cup of homemade soup with homebaked bread in it, and got caught up on the meds for now.

Which brings me to the real point of this moaning whining post: I always like friends to realize is it JUST FINE to give me ordinary news, make ordinary requests, crack ordinary jokes, etc., at times like this. In fact it's wonderful, because it reminds me that there is another world going on out there, where all is not crisis, sturm und drang. And I urgently need something other than fear and anxiety to put my mind on.

So thank you Donna, for that timely email asking about an art situation, and MaryAnn, for the lovely link to handmade book covers of all kinds, and you, AI for the little coda to a discussion we had the other day about teaching physics, and Ari for the hilarious note about the Cartoon Blog. There were others, but my short term memory is a bit taxed at the moment..All this was a wonderful leaven to a tough day.

Anyway, vibes galore would be much appreciated at this point! and jokes, and fun links, and oh well, whatever seems good.

And in today's mail came two State of NJ forms about property taxes, and for the first time in living memory, they had got all the preprinted stuff RIGHT!!! No need for hours on the phone and writing, and so on, to get them to fix it. They appear finally after years of hand to hand combat, to have fixed our forms. Yay.

See how little it takes to cheer me up? this means I'm either very easily grateful or totally boneheaded. Or both, that's always a thought, or both.


  1. Oh boy, do I ever identify with your crisis - having been through a few of those myself. I feel for you. If you can manage to find humour and a little peace in each day, believe me it helps. Hugs to both you and your HP.


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