I got a walk Sunday morning, before the day got too hot. The dewpoint was high but there was shade and a wind.
The people I met were largely absorbed in their thoughts and I wondered if their early morning walk is a meditation.
I did see a biplane type of dragonfly
We have many species of dragonflies, darners and demoiselles in this region. Sometimes in the early morning sun I see them everywhere lit up by sunrays, clouds of them. Since they tackle clouds of mosquitoes, I like them.
The other day while I was reading on the deck, a tiny green metallic one landed on my shirt and rested a while. Maybe half an inch long, wings buzzing continually, until he lifted off and was gone. We also get tiny green metallic sweat bees but usually on sedums, not on people.
Then, once home I did a yes2next exercise, this one ten minutes of mindfulness, a great change from doing things all the time.
About aging and friends and losing friends, as Barbara Rogers mentioned on her blog -- do you follow Boardwalk Barb? You should, it's full of thought and art and family, definitely worth the price of admission.
Anyway the subject of outliving people came up there. I've outlived all my sibs, and my agemate friends, including two (!) recorder playing quartets.
Since I've been active in various arts, I have friends in many age groups including twenty somethings. No hierarchy of age in art. And I'm often the oldest person in any group these days. Some of my friends are helping care for parents, younger than I, but whose health is poor.
It does pay to be willing to find new friends, though lifelong ones are good, I wouldn't know. Emigration tends to make childhood friends fall away eventually, despite all your efforts.
Particularly when you've emigrated from the UK to the US rather than the colonies -- mostly the approved destinations are Canada, Australia and NZ. My own relatives never got over my going to the US.
But the world is full of nice people to meet. So there's that. And there's innocent merriment to be had in the obituaries, which I read to check I'm not in there.
One thing I love is the kind of doh expression such as William, known to his friends as Bill. Or Thomas, whose family called him Tom! Like, what the heck else, this isn't exactly groundbreaking. But then obits may be written by family without much writing experience so I will refrain from criticizing further. But I won't refrain from being amused.
Happy day everyone, meet nice, play nice, don't tease your friends!
Dragonflies and the like are fascinating..and no wonder they are the inspiration for much art including jewellery.
ReplyDeleteYes, the shapes and especially the metallic colors, they're like living jewelry.
DeleteDon’t tease my friends? That’s half the fun! We, too, have friends of all ages and mostly much younger. I had no idea Bill was short for William and Tom was short for Thomas. I wonder if Steve is short for Steven. (ahem)
ReplyDeleteWho knew? What you can learn from the obits.
DeleteA huge hawker dragonfly flew into our sitting room a couple of days ago. Fortunately, it didn't stay long, but we were pleased to see it. There haven't been so many around this summer.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it was hunting inside your house? Saves swatting flies.
DeleteI haven't back read your blog, so I do wonder why you moved to NJ from Yorkshire. I would guess love.
ReplyDeleteI moved from Yorkshire to go to University on the other side of the country -- not far by bigger countries standards-- on the way to a possible emigration to Canada in search of work. I changed destinations when I found myself marrying, and we left for his post doc work and my projects in Wisconsin. Years later work brought us to NJ. And then it was now.
DeleteOh yes, the ancient (weren't they around with dinosaurs?) dragon flies! I'm quite surprised to see my name mentioned (and not in an obit!) Thanks for more views on how people come into and leave our lives. I keep having reminders, like "that was one of her favorite recipes." So the ones who aren't walking around any more are constantly with me.
ReplyDeleteYes, memories do keep showing up, sometimes taking us by surprise.
DeleteI enjoyed the mindfulness meditation today! Will try the exercises next!
DeleteMy mum was an English war bride, came to Canada in 1946. She kept in touch with two of the other girls she went to school with until they died. She made friends easily, all age groups, so that helped her a lot I think. We all need friends to hold us up when we're feeling down. I like having friends of different ages, keeps life interesting, but logistics do make it difficult (young children and work, while I'm retired).
ReplyDeleteExactly -- she went to Canada. One of the approved destinations. I lost friends and relatives when I went to a non Commonwealth country. People are timid!
DeleteI agree that logistics make it hard. When you're at different places in your lives, crossing paths is rarer
"And then it was now." What a great sentence and isn't it funny how that happens?
ReplyDeleteI lost three of my very best friends at an earlier age and I was not prepared for that.
Obituaries can be quite amusing if you have that sort of sense of humor. Oh, the many ways people find to say, "He died." Or she, depending.
Obituaries are a kind of folk literary form. There's unconscious humor, then there's pathos in the tortured way of avoiding the cause of death when it's an overdose in a young person or self inflicted. You can see the undertaker's suggestions here and there. And the choice of picture, often from younger happier days.
DeleteI'm lucky to have found a group of my high school acquaintances after I retired. We meet once a month for brunch and we laugh and share stories. We will meet today! My sister calls it our "organ recital" as we often discuss our latest medical issues! ;)
ReplyDeleteThat sounds so great! Enjoy your brunch.
DeletePeople aren't keen on having a friend/relative in a non-Commonwealth country? Interesting stuff! Is there a logic to that you can sort out? This is a great surprise to my American brain. I'm in my 40's and have so many older friends that it occurs to me I ought to make some younger friends at some point... About obits, I have a good snippet for you: Harold Bell, aged 94, 2021, "Hank was blunt all of his life, never leaving anyone unsure of his thoughts or priorities - for example, when he wanted people to leave his home in the evening, he would re-enter the living room wearing his pajamas." Ha!
ReplyDeleteI love Harold!
DeleteAnd there has long been a lot of anti American sentiment in the UK. The wartime troops were often the only Americans anyone had really met. So big! So tall! So well fed! So loud! So in your face! if the expression had been invented then. People who liked them were often cold shouldered for it.
I suspect jealousy was under a lot of it, and fear of the sheer energy of this young nation. Older generations who remembered ww1 never grasped the internal complications in the US and were bitterly resentful of their late appearance in both wars.
One of my Canadian sisters admitted that she wouldn't have been brave enough to emigrate to the US, Canada seeming more familiar. I got very tired of relatives and friends sniping at my choice, to where I withdrew from them and got on with the great life I was building. We both had opportunities here that didn't exist elsewhere. There were literally no jobs in his field in Canada, so it wasn't exactly a choice on his part.
I gave up being forced into a defensive crouch, and went where I was wanted. As you do.
Fascinating. Thank you for your response. The late-entry-to-war part does make loads of sense for the feelings of older generations. And much of the rest sounds like that delightful combination of envy and resentment. Ugh, what a drag for you, so I'm very glad you decided to get on with things in your own life. (Thinking of Harold and his pajamas cracks me up!)
DeleteHow special to have that visit with the dragonfly. I didn’t know that the US would have been somewhat disdained back when you immigrated, or emigrated. I bet it is now, though.
ReplyDeleteIt's always such an event when a wild creature visits and stays.
DeleteOften half the interest in reading an obit is to find out their real names where I come from - some nicknames stick hard and they aren't always as straightforward as Tom! It certainly does pay to keep making friends.
ReplyDeleteThere's something I hadn't thought of about the odder nicknames. Yes, you occasionally come across "Cecilia Amelia Jane (Cadger)" and it comes clear.
DeleteWe also have lots of dragon flies. I don't know the different varieties, but I do enjoy watching them.
ReplyDeleteThey're great friends to people, because of all the biting insects they devour.
DeleteObits can be incredibly amusing. My friend sent me one not too long ago for a woman who, it was said, "liked to eat." Well, I suppose that's a talent of a sort.
ReplyDeleteDragonflies are very beneficial so I'm glad you're friendly to them and giving them a safe place to land. :)
Usually obits will be more about the cooking and catering to family, but liking to eat could come in there, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteThere's nice teasing and nasty teasing when it comes to friends - and one should always expect to get it back in full measure.
ReplyDeleteThat was just a little joke. But you have a point, if it had been seriously meant.
DeleteThe love dragonfly. I don't see them here.
ReplyDeleteThat's too bad. They're so lovely to watch.
DeleteThere is no appropriate age that you lose friends. Death And disease take you without seeing your birth certificate.
ReplyDeleteI think you have the right idea
Stay active, what ever that means to you
Keep your brain buzzing in what ever way you want
And go out. Mix with lots of humans. You never know who you will meet. It might just be the closest friend you ever had is just waiting around the corner
It's important to live as long as you're alive. And to expect change, because there will be change.
DeleteI have read some hilarious obituaries. That being said, I don't intend to have one. I want to be cremated, dropped in a hole and a lilac bush dropped on me. I want every to reminisce. Raise a glass. Go home. That's it. No marker. I will be remembered by the people who love me. When they no longer remember me, I won't be remembered at all. A marker will not matter.
ReplyDeleteI already arranged my, um, arrangements. No ceremony of any kind. Simple cremation, son will scatter ashes how he judges. Online opportunity in my blog for memories if people want to. No obituary, people who'd be interested mostly gone. Very low key.
DeleteI haven't heard that in years. My dad always said checking to make sure I am not there this morning.
ReplyDeleteI have lost very close friends, and it is heart wrenching. I do like to have friends of all ages it keeps you in.
Cathy
Yes, new friends, too, really nice to have new opinions and attitudes around you.
DeleteI'm in my early 60s. Since I started going to this UU church, I've met and made friend with many people in their 80s and 90s. The difference in ago matters not at all.
ReplyDeleteTrue, when you find like minded people, it doesn't matter.
DeleteOld friends and new friends, equally valuable.
ReplyDeleteTrue, and there's still value in the memory of departed friends.
DeleteThe dragonflies are such lovely visitors but hard to photograph. Well done, Boud.
ReplyDeleteThey tend to sit quietly around here, probably looking for food, so that helps.
DeleteGetting a photo of a dragonfly isn't easy so you lucked out.
ReplyDeleteI agree that having friends of various age ranges is a good thing and really would like to cultivate some younger friends into my circle. I have two really close friends that are pretty much the same age as me - both for nearly forty years - and another life-long friend. I don't know what I'd do without them.
You're one of my younger friends!! Maybe your knitting will bring you into contact with younger people, a lot of whom seem to knit nowadays.
Delete